How do you explain that despite all the good things and happy moments, that things are great and you are not great. There is happiness inside me, of course, I freaking graduated. But there is also sadness.
Being done with school creates a darkness.
Secretly I don’t want to leave school at all. School has always been about learning, friends and fun. For as long as I remember I went to school. It feels like it is a part of me. No, it was a part of me. And now a big part of who I am is gone.
My mind keeps telling me I should have accomplish something earlier, not at 22. It whispers to me I am not worthy of feeling proud.
Thinking about the future horrifies me the most. I have no clue who I really am with out school. I am afraid of not making it. I am afraid I am not good enough. Sometimes I wonder what’s the whole point of being here? That’s when the darkness slowly creeps up to me. Touching me lightly, covering me inch by inch. Until I can only see darkness.
I wanted to explain the reason I’ve been offline(ish). I thought about the blog for a long time too. If I was a blogger outside my school career? If I really could quit. The question is yes. I could quit. Maybe this all sounds ridiculous to you, but I hope somewhere you understand.